When You're Gone
by Phantom of a Rose
Summary: Blaine is proud of Kurt for graduating and going to New York. That's why he hates how much he already misses him, and he's not even gone yet. 'When you walk away I count the steps that you take...Do you see how much I need you right now.' Klaine


**Just a little idea I came up with on the plane on the way to New York last week. I hope you enjoy it. Song by Avril Lavgine. **

**GLEE**

"What do you think?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Blaine," sighed Kurt, rolling his eyes with a soft smile. He pushed two fabric squares toward Blaine. "Which one do you think would be best for the windows. I asked Rachel and well, she thought they were both too plain. Then she came up with this _horrible _fabric that looks like it belongs in a luau."

"Oh," said Blaine. He looked down at the fabrics, taking a deep breath. "The grey with white in it. Very tasteful."

Kurt's smile was blinding as he took back the fabric. "I knew I could inspire good taste in you one day." He opened his apartment planning book and filed the grey fabric away, throwing the other toward the trash.

"Kurt," said Blaine softly.

"Hmmm?"

Blaine reached out and rested his hand on top of his, then leaning down to press a kiss to Kurt's cheek. Kurt looked up at him, eyes already twinkling with a mischievous edge. "Oh I see," he said, voice husky. He closed the apartment book - thank God - and leaned into Blaine, pushing him down to the bed.

Later, Blaine insisted on little spoon because he really just wanted to be held and know that Kurt was still _there_. Once Kurt's arms had wrapped around him, his back pressed against his warmth, Blaine fell asleep quickly, an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

Blaine woke what must have been a few hours later. The first thing he noticed was the absence of Kurt's arms. He reached over with his hand, patting the empty and cold mattress beside him. A whoosh of air released from his chest and he closed his eyes, pushing his face into the pillow and trying not to cry. Because Kurt wasn't gone forever.

Not yet.

Blaine sat up after he was put together, finding a fold up piece of paper just on Kurt's pillow. He reached over and read over the quick note -

"_Had to be going and didn't want to wake you up. See you at school tomorrow. Xoxo - Kurt_"

Blaine set the note on his bedside table carefully. He rubbed his tired eyes slowly, looking around the room and noting how it had become more like his and Kurt's, not just his. There was Kurt's history text book on his desk, which he should bring him tomorrow. Some of Kurt's face creams were in his bathroom, for the nights they were lucky enough to spend all of together and wake up in the morning, warm and entangled. The top two drawers of Blaine's dresser had Kurt's sleep clothes and jeans, and there was a small part of the closet devoted to a few outfits for him.

Blaine's gaze came to rest on the ground, where his clothes from earlier were no where to be found, though Kurt's tight black jeans, shirt and tie were. Blaine stood, a slight chill running down his spin at his nakedness, and picked them up. Another note fluttered down.

"_Stole your clothes - if you're lucky, I'll return them. Xoxo - Kurt_"

Usually, the thought of Kurt in his clothes would probably send Blaine to the shower, or at least calling Kurt to tell him how much of a tease he was, but instead a dull ache stabbed at his chest.

How much longer could they do this? How much longer would Blaine be able to see Kurt's clothes in his closet, his toothbrush by the sink or his hair products in the shower?

Kurt would be leaving for New York two weeks before Blaine's senior year began at McKinley. They would have the summer together, a beautiful, uninterrupted summer, Blaine hoped, but then…

Kurt would be in New York. They couldn't sleep together, wake up in each others arms, or steal each others' jeans and t-shirts.

Blaine was so, so proud of Kurt for getting into a design school in New York after being rejected by NYADA. Kurt really seemed like he had found what he was truly called to do; singing he could always do in other respects, but fashion was a passion.

Though he was proud, Blaine couldn't help but think how _unfair _it was. He wanted to be in New York with Kurt and Rachel, living together, not waiting another year.

Blaine didn't want to be here alone.

Blaine sat down at the foot of his bed, his legs unsteady. He brought Kurt's shirt up to his face, rubbing it up against his face and inhaling. It was Kurt's cologne and the his own smell, always there after a long day at school. Blaine always smelled this when he was alone at night, over on Kurt's pillow, and then he wondered how long that would take to fade after the summer.

He took a shaky breath, forcing himself to stand and fold Kurt's clothes neatly before putting them in his laundry hamper. Then he went to take a long, hot shower, trying to push these thoughts from his mind.

ooooo

Blaine stood at his locker, staring blankly at the photos and other mementos there. There were a few photos of him and Kurt, like a this year's prom, as well as one with the Warblers. There was a program from West Side Story and tickets from the Lady Gaga concert he and Kurt had gone to pinned behind a photo of New Directions at Nationals after their win.

"You should probably clean out your locker soon," said Kurt suddenly. Blaine looked over with surprise; he hadn't heard him walk over.

"Yeah," said Blaine, distractedly. He shut the door after grabbing his English book and nodded. Packing up his locker, though they had two days of school left, would mean it really was ending.

"Hey." Blaine looked over at Kurt again. His tone was soft and when Blaine looked, his face concerned. Kurt reached over and rested his hand on Blaine's forearm. He was two days from graduating and really, they decided that a bit of touching in the hall wouldn't hurt anyone after the decent year they had here. "Are you ok, Blaine? You seem…out of it lately."

"I'm fine," said Blaine, trying to aim for an upbeat tone. He smiled, though he knew it probably didn't look real. Kurt frowned at him, confirming that he'd failed. "Look, I have to go. Final."

"Blaine." Kurt's hand slid down Blaine's arm and grabbed his hand as he turned to leave. "You can tell me anything, you know. I know I've been a little distracted by graduation, but I'm here."

Blaine swallowed the lump his throat, forcing down the words: "For now."

"Yeah, I know," he said weakly. He detangled their fingers, then rushed down the hall to class.

ooooo

Blaine admits that he's been out of it lately. He knows that he's gone between attaching himself to Kurt and not wanting to be without him, and then to pushing him away, making excuses as to why they can't spend time together. Thankfully, he's been busy with finishing up finals and work on graduation, so Blaine is pretty sure he hasn't noticed. Or at least, until this morning.

Blaine doesn't see Kurt again until Glee practice. Blaine sits next to Tina, who seems to be handling the fact that her boyfriend is graduating much better than Blaine is. Kurt enters the room and locks on Blaine, sitting next to him and scooting his chair over.

"Blaine, what's going on?" he whispers. "And don't say nothing - I know how you are when you're upset at something. You ignore the problem. And you're ignoring me, so I must be the problem."

Blaine's throat goes dry. "You're not - you're not the problem, Kurt."

"So there is something wrong, then." Kurt's eyes don't leave Blaine's, and for a moment, he keeps the eye contact.

Then he drops it, looking down at his lap and trying not to feel.

"Okay class," said Mr. Shuester as he enters, putting his papers down and smiling at everyone. "I know you're all excited about the end of the school year, especially you seniors, but we still have a day left. Has anyone else come up with a song for your assignment this week?"

Their assignment had been "Goodbye" - or at least, Goodbye to the seniors in Glee, since so many of them wouldn't be back next year. It had been tearful this week, as some of the seniors even sang a song or two to say goodbye to the other members of Glee.

Blaine had wanted as far away from this assignment as he could. Usually, he was all about singing about his emotions, but then he would think back to how he and the Warblers had sung "Somewhere Only We Know" to Kurt when he transferred. The emotions he'd felt back then had been overwhelming, and Kurt hadn't been going _anywhere_, not really. He didn't feel like he could even put his emotions into words.

But then no one had raised their hands had Mr. Shuester's words and Blaine was thinking about how he couldn't tell Kurt what was wrong, not in his own words at least. Maybe…maybe this was what he needed, then?

"I'll go."

"Great, Blaine, you're up!" said Mr. Shuester with a smile. He abandoned his spot at the piano to sit next to Finn.

Blaine looked over at Kurt once, then stood. As he walked over to the piano, Blaine panicked. He didn't actually _have _a song.

Then, as he turned around and looked out at the members of New Direction, he knew what would be perfect.

"Brad, can I play this one?" he asked the pianist. The man nodded and took a seat behind Mr. Shuester. He nodded to the band, telling them to join in when they could.

Blaine sat at the piano, looking down at the keys for a moment before up at the group. "This…this isn't a goodbye to everyone. I'm sorry but…I'll miss all of the seniors so much. You've been good to me this year…but that's not the thing I'm worried about. I…this is for Kurt."

He turned his eyes to Kurt, who was looking at him strangely. Blaine swallowed and looked back down at the keys, beginning to slow, mournful tune.

_I always needed time on my own_

_I never thought I'd need you there when I cry_

_And the days feel like years when I'm alone_

_And the bed where you lie is made up on your side_

_When you walk away I count the steps that you take_

_Do you see how much I need you right now_

Blaine braved a look up at Kurt, whose expression had softened and was just…staring at him.

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok_

_I miss you_

Blaine didn't know what he was going to do without seeing Kurt everyday. That was the worst thing about Kurt leaving. They had been together for so long now, Blaine didn't know what it would be like, and the unknown had always been the most terrifying thing for him.

_I've never felt this way before_

_Everything that I do reminds me of you_

_And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor_

_And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do_

_When you walk away I count the steps that you take_

_Do you see how much I need you right now_

As Blaine went in to repeat the chorus, he thought about all the things that already reminded him of Kurt. How would it be to be here at McKinley without him? To be here with Tina and Artie, but without any of the other members of the New Directions?

To walk hallways, expecting to see Kurt walking down them toward him, a dazzling smile on his face and a new song idea ready. But he wouldn't see that at all; not during lunch or Glee cllub or between classes.

To be without him.

Blaine looked over at Kurt again and was confused at how wobbly the world had suddenly become. Then he realized - oh, I'm crying. He reached up for a moment, clearing his eyes and taking in Kurt's face. Heartbroken and maybe his eyes had tears in them, too.

_We were made for each other_

_Out here forever_

_I know we were, yeah_

_All I ever wanted was for you to know_

_Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul_

_I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah_

Somewhere, Blaine knew that it might be ok. He and Kurt…they were forever. They'd been through so much in the time they had been together, and he knew that Kurt going off to New York for a year ahead of him wouldn't mean anything. He wouldn't cheat, or suddenly break up with him over Skype. If they were to break up, Kurt would do it in a classy way.

Even then, Blaine was sure that they would be together again, some where.

So why was the thought of Kurt leaving killing him like this?

…_.I miss you_

Blaine finished the last chorus, his voice breaking. His hands finished the piano theme and then he stared down at the keys, not wanting to see what Kurt's face held. Would he be angry at Blaine for keeping this from him for so long? For embarrassing him like this in front of his friends? Tina and Mike weren't like this right now, and they were going through the same thing.

"Blaine."

Blaine jumped as a hand was set on his shoulder and he looked up at Kurt, who was looking at him with so much sadness that Blaine's own heart ached. Kurt reached over and brushed his thumbs across Blaine's cheeks. God, he must be a mess if he couldn't even tell he was still crying.

"I'm sorry," choked out Blaine. "I'm happy for you but when I think about being here next year without you, I just - I already miss you and you're still _here_."

"Come here," said Kurt calmly. Blaine stood, his legs shaking as Kurt put an arm around his waist to steady him. Blaine tucked himself onto Kurt's side, his face in the material of his shirt as Kurt lead him out of the choir room.

Kurt didn't stop walking until they were to the parking lot, helping Blaine into Kurt's Navigator.

"Drive Blaine's car to our house after Glee - but be careful, Finn. Or let Rachel drive it." Blaine didn't want to look out the window and see Finn. He didn't even know he'd been following them out to the parking lot.

The drive was silent as Kurt drove them to his house. Blaine had finished crying, but was still sniffling. He followed Kurt up the stairs to his room, hoping that Burt and Carole weren't hope to see him like this.

"Sit," said Kurt. Blaine sat down on Kurt's bed and watched as Kurt disappeared into his bathroom, returning a few moments later with a wet wash cloth. Kurt sat down next to him, bringing it up to dab at Blaine's eyes and cheeks, then set it on the back of Blaine's neck.

After a few minutes, he removed it and put it on his bedside table. Kurt reached out and grabbed Blaine's hands and he knew it was about to start.

"Blaine," he said gently. "How long have you felt this way about me leaving?"

"Maybe…two weeks? Since you got your graduation gown. And really started to think about apartment decorations with Rachel," he answered truthfully.

Kurt sighed. "Blaine," he said, reaching up to hold Blaine's cheek. "You should have told me how you were hurting…that's what I'm here for. I'm here to comfort you when you feel bad. That's what you've been doing for me since we met."

"I just - Tina isn't clingy to Mike, and he's leaving for L.A.," said Blaine.

"Tina has called me often crying," informed Kurt. "Worrying about what their relationship will be like. She doesn't like to act that way in public, but both her and Mike have been talking and discussing what they will be in the next few months. They have problems, Blaine, and they're dealing with it. Which is what we should be doing."

"I just - I didn't know how to say it," said Blaine. "You're so happy and I don't want to ruin that."

"You could never ruin that," said Kurt. "Blaine, I'm going to miss you just as much as you'll miss me. I'll miss waking up next to you, and kissing you, and seeing your face."

Blaine realized suddenly that was what he had been thinking for the last few weeks. He looked up at Kurt.

"But this isn't forever, Blaine," said Kurt gently. "We have all summer together, which I fully intent to spend with you as much as possible. Then we have Christmas break and Spring break when I'm actually at school, and we have Skype and phones. We're going to be connected. And even though it won't be the same as touching you, I think we can do it. The long distance thing."

Blaine let out a loud sniffle. He leaned forward, resting his head on Kurt's shoulder. "You think?"

"I know."

"But I just think about how hard next year will be, not being able to have you in school. I think about missing holding you and I just…want to cry. You'll be in a new, exciting place, so you'll have that as a distraction…but what about me?"

"Hey now," joked Kurt. "You'll have Tina and Artie, and you'll be responsible for finding new members for New Directions and whipping them into shape. I'm sure that will be plenty of a distraction."

"Kurt."

Kurt sighed and nodded. "I know. It's not fair. I wish…I wish you could just come with me and we could be in New York together, like we have planned for next year. But the way I get by is just…thinking about next year, when we can move in together. We'll be able to wake up next to each other every morning, not just when your parents are out of the house for the weekend. I think about the good things that are just around the corner."

"But they seem so far away," said Blaine weakly.

"Not so far. They're there, within sight," said Kurt confidently. "My senior year went by so fast, and you'll see just how fast it will go by for you, I'm sure. And you know whenever you miss me, you can call me, because chances are I'll be missing you."

"But I still feel like…like part of me is leaving," said Blaine.

"I don't think that will go away," said Kurt. "You and I…we're puzzle pieces. Taking one of us away from the other is going to hurt. And talking about it for a few minutes won't help. But now that we're honest with each other, we can help each other all throughout the summer and into the new school year." Kurt pulled back and offered Blaine a small smile. "Deal?"

Blaine looked up at Kurt and he saw just how much Kurt was hurting about this, too. Blaine still didn't feel completely perfect…but things were bound to get better. He would miss Kurt. That was a given. But now…Kurt knew. Kurt knew that he was broken about this.

"Deal," said Blaine finally. "Just…if I ever hug you, or kiss you, longer than I usually do…please just hold on longer for me, too. I just want to feel you; memorize what you feel like. Sometimes I worry I'll forget."

Kurt leaned forward and kissed Blaine, pulling him toward his body and wrapping his arms around his waist. They kissed until they were breathless and yet, Blaine wanted so much more. "You can hold me as long as you want," said Kurt, his breath against Blaine's lips.

Two and a half months later, Blaine finally released Kurt in their embrace and watched as he walked away, counting the steps as he grew further away.

Kurt was just passing out of security when his cell phone chirped. Rachel was ahead of him, making her way to their terminal. Her eyes were also wet from saying goodbye to Finn, and they had decided wordlessly on a bit of silence.

Kurt looked down at the message on his phone and knew exactly who it was from without fully reading the screen. Instead, he focused on the short message.

"_I miss you." _


End file.
